My word for 2020 is forgiveness.
As 2019 comes to a close, I have many reasons to be thankful for this past year. Regardless of how hard life hit me, I hit back harder.
As for me, well I'm alive, breathing. I have finally found my smile again. I will always find the positive in life. I discovered the strength and determination within myself. I have been in a dark place and the demons tried to take over, but I won in the end. And I will continue to win as long as I have people who recognize those signs and beg me to get help.
Unfortunately I did gain some weight this year due to all of the many injuries I have had since May and pretty much have had a sedentary lifestyle. I'm finally on the road to physical and mental recovery. I'm taking my life back and I'm in control of my medical care. I'll be damned if another doctor is going to bully me into big pharma care. I'm also firing my primary and on the hunt for a new one. I found a new amazing psychologist. Many of you dont know but I was not only diagnosed with PTSD, but C-PTSD. He has helped me so much this year, he's been a true blessing to me.
This year was also about me finding myself again because I was lost for so long. Next year it's going to about making more time for me, spending time with loved ones, and spending time reading and enjoying the outdoors.
I performed my first wedding this year. Naturally I was nervous as anything. It was a beautiful ceremony.
I also was able to do some painting since I was on medical leave from work and shared my artwork with so many of you and your loved ones. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I, sadly will be leaving a job that filled my heart so greatly. Sometimes things happen for a reason, we might not understand them, but if we look hard enough and deep enough the reasons are there. When one door closes, another one opens bigger and brighter.
But enough about me...
I have a daughter who is the most amazing, supportive, and loving child ever. She's still finding herself and her way in this world, and theres nothing wrong with that. It's my one goal in life to see her be happy and fulfill her dreams. She started a new job in her field of study. She's been living in her beautiful home with her boyfriend for 16 months now and in April she and her boyfriend rescued a pup and renamed him Oliver Queen. I finally have a grandson.
My baby brudda is the best and I know I don't tell goin often enough how much he means to me. I know life gets in the way, but we are family, and things need to change. We need to see each other more and make time for one another. Sadly, this year, he lost not 1 but 2 of his beloved pets. He and his wife are wonderful fur-parents. I'm heartbroken for them. He also started a new job this year. Onward and upwards.
I have met some new friends via the internet and I'll cherish them with all that I am. While those friends will always be in my heart, I'm taking a step away from social media from time to time. I have goals to reach and I'm determined to get to them.
I'm completely in awe by people who love and care about me. So thank you for sticking by me these past 4+ months. It still stands true that I have some of the best friends who are there for me, whether it's lifting me up at times or bringing me back down to reality at other times. Boy my ass hurts from all that kicking youve given me.
I've also had so many friends lose a loved one this year. I've have seen some you who are mothers that have lost a child to illness or at birth or miscarriage. Other women beg to be blessed with a child only to find out they cannot conceive or carry. Other mothers who have spent countless amount of hours and days sitting in the NICU praying over their babies and crying tears of joy with each milestone their precious babies have reached. I've heard of wives losing their husbands to suicide, cancer, or divorce. So many of you also have suffered the loss of a parent this year, there is no greater heartbreak. My heart weeps with you. I hope you all can find peace. I've witnessed so many of you beg for prayers in your darkest despair.
Could life get any better? Of course, there's always room for improvement. I'm not stressing, I'm taking each day in stride. I have to. I can't control what's out of my control. I have to live life to the best of my ability for what I am happy to be given.
We all need to stop with the hatred and anger. Stop please. I'm begging. Put away your differences. We must all learn to live like there's no tomorrow, and learn to love even harder. Be kind to everyone you meet along your journey called life, it doesn't cost a thing.
We have to stop with the I miss you and the one day I'll be there. That one day may not ever be there. You miss your friend? Go see them. You want to go to the beach for the day? Go! Your life is what you make of it. Only you are in control.
Wake up every day with the notion that you will see the positive in every situation. Hard times do not last forever. There's always a light for you to see, regardless the situation. As long as you have love in your heart you are beyond blessed. Find your reason to be alive.
Friendships do not last forever. I've found this out. Spend time with the ones you cherish. I really believe in the "reason, season or lifetime" poem. If you haven't read it, please do.
Have you taken a moment to truly appreciate what your life truly means to YOU? Take a moment to reflect, it really helps to do some soul searching. I have.
Have a prosperous New Year everyone.
Much love.
Mamma Ree xoxo
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